All the woman that I need

Growing up an only child, I have always been alone. I had to find ways to entertain myself as my grandparents were much too older to entertain me. I was forbidden from going to the neighbours to play therefore solitude is all I knew. You would think that made me more comfortable with my own company. Yes and No. I mean, as humans we are designed to seek companionship. As a little girl I never thought about that besides I had a few friends at school and I had the company of my cousins in the summer.
One of my most vivid childhood memories was of my cousins visiting me and my mum at her place of work at the time. I remember when they left how much I cried. Surely, I would see them again soon but the present feeling of their departure was far too painful to not express it. I guess this memory serves to help me to question myself- how are you when you are alone?

Alone but not lonely...

Life can be very lonely sometimes. Have you sat in a room full of people and feel all alone? Yup. It gets like that sometimes. That's when you'll need to realise that you need to work on being content with your solitude. Solitude is the best thing that could ever happen to me. At first it was deafening, lonely and uncomfortable. It pushed me into places that I had no use being in. That tore me. However, that's apart of the process. It's supposed to tear down those fragile parts of yourself  and rebuild up stronger ones. I had to come to the realisation that no matter what happens or whoever comes along or who leaves, I'll be good.

My life is my path and only I, along with the creator, can steer it. What the universe has laid out for me no-one can remove. Don't get me wrong, having great people around you who love and care for you is beautiful and I am grateful for having those people.

Back to solitude....

I'm not 100% there but I'm getting there. That is all that matters. I'm trying to centre myself in the best way possible. A friend said to me that if you can't envision the version of that you would want to become in the future, think about the person you'd want to be for your unborn children. I previously made a post entitled 'We Should All Be Selfish'. I spoke about the non compromising of self for the benefit of others. The right people will never make you feel this way. How does accepting your solitude help with this? Well, you'll be less uncomfortable about letting people go. All those around you that disrupt your peace, bring you out of character or don't see your worth will be so hard to hold on to. Walking away is not always easy but hell it's way easier when you're secure in yourself. You know you're good. You won't rely on anyone to make your decisions because you believe in your wisdom.

How to get there...

Getting comfortable with your solitude, building your self and realising your self worth is a very personal journey. I started mine when I realised that I was searching for acceptance and love that I can only give myself. My solitude was painful for a while, still is sometimes BUT I'm coming home. This is a term I was introduced by Dr Thema. She has a mental health podcast. She breaks down finding yourself into different sections, explains how each can affect you and how to turn the negatives in each area into positives. I realised that to better myself I needed to set goals, I needed to clean up my circle, change how I spoke to myself and heal. The love and validation that I was giving to others and wanted from others, could only be found with me.

This has been a very personal post but I hope this can help someone batting with not feeling good enough. You are enough. Not because of your education, the money you have or your looks but for the simple fact that you are here on this earth. Get comfortable with you.